


What is left (Unsaid)

by Sky_King



Category: D. Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Bookmen can't love, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Lavi does anyway, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 09:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14952245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sky_King/pseuds/Sky_King
Summary: “Why won’t you say it?”“I can’t do that to you. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”Lavi sets out to discover another secret involving Allen, but in the process he'll come to realize that he too has a similar secret.And he's not allowed to share it.For Bookmen are not allowed to love.





	What is left (Unsaid)

**Author's Note:**

> This story was created the 25/10/2015.  
> Damn son, that's a long time ago.  
> I apologize for any canon inconsistencies, all my knowledge comes from the anime.  
> Enjoy?

 

Sometimes, Bookman Junior hates being himself.

He hates being unable to stop the gruesome history. Unable to intervene.

He hates having to adopt a persona, learn to fit in, just to be able to record history better. For nothing else.

He also hates that hating all this is sort of forbidden too. After all, hate is an emotion.

But what he hates first and foremost is his inability to love.

No, that’s not quite it.

 

“Lavi!” The little exorcist complained as the bookman-in-training suddenly sprung up on him, almost burying his face in the nape of his neck—almost. The redhead swung an arm around him, dropping most of his weight on the smaller boy.

“Ha! Caught you by surprise, didn’t I, Beansprout?” For that he is lightly punched on the chest as Allen disentangled himself from Lavi with the ease of someone who was used to it.

“Stop calling me that already, Lavi.” The shorter exorcist mumbled resignedly. But his sigh quietened down as he remembered what he was even doing there. “Oh, right! You just arrived from your mission didn’t you? How was it?”

“Another Innocence fragment for humanity!” The redhead exclaimed, striking a victory pose. He did not miss the way dark-colored eyes brightened at that, the smile on his face overjoyed.

Really, the boy got way too happy. Bookman junior thought with fondness, though that was to be expected seeing how Allen was promised to the cause of saving humankind. Faith and hope looked like such neat sources for strength.

“That’s great news, Lavi! Oh. Did you get injured? Did anything happen? Are you going to do something-?” The beansprout of a man startled rambling and Lavi once more slung an arm around the younger boy.

“Now, now, beansprout. Let’s talk about this over some supper, how about it?”

“Good idea.” Allen smiled at him again. The redhead returned the gesture with his own lazy pull of lips, as he began to walk, taking up the lead. “Oh, I almost forgot, welcome home!”

Lavi stared at the boy in silence for a split second before letting the smile return to his face. “Yeah.  I’m back.”

And then Allen opened his mouth to say something else, eyes tender, cheeks flushed… but he stopped before he emits a sound.

Lavi looked at him funnily before they entered the cafeteria.

(I love you.)

 

 

Lavi wasn’t fond of working, that much was true. But if going on a mission meant time away from books and pandas, he would be the first one out of the door at the first call. That’s why he didn’t so much as protest when he was sent on a mission with the beansprout-destroyer-of-time along with Yuu. It was a guaranteed entertaining trip.

Granted, Yuu and Allen butted heads a little while in close proximity,

“You are in _my_ space, beansprout!”

“The train compartments are small, I am in my rightful place, rather your ass is in _my_ space.”

“What did you say you bastard-!”

Or when food was low…

“Stop complaining! If you weren’t such a pig, we still would have tons of food left!”

“Say that again, Bakanda-!”

…or when they were all tired and sleep-deprived after a run-in with Akumas and they were (at least Lavi was) trying to sleep.

“-can just shove it up your-“

“I don’t see how this is a proper reply to-“

Lavi took that back. This was not fun any longer, is what he decided as he tried drowning the sounds of his teammates out by pressing pillows over his face. He missed how both of them noticed and Allen fell into an embarrassed silence soon after. Yuu didn’t really care why, as Allen’s silence meant _he_ had won and that was as good of an ending as any.

 

Next morning Lavi noticed how Allen seemed to be avoiding his gaze. He wondered if Yuu had told the beansprout anything about him, but there was not really any sign of it. It was more like…

Bookman junior analyzed and compared his behavior against other humans.

Was Allen embarrassed?

“Hey, beansprout. Everything alright?” Lavi decided to go ahead and ask, slinging an arm around the shorter teen, grinning as Allen jumped. “Did Yuu hit a sore spot last night?”

“No- I-er… sorry… about last night… we really got out of hand.”

Lavi blinked, openly staring at the boy that was doing his best to look away from him while walking. “Dude, you were worried about that? I know you two. I am actually surprised you managed to stall the argument long enough to sleep.” Allen shrunk a little bit more into himself and Lavi hurried to rectify. “Uh… what I meant to say, it’s no biggie. Mission’s over anyway, don’t have anything to apologize over.”

Allen raised a hand to brush his hair in a nervous fashion. “I’ll try not to let it get out of hand again.”

“Well, I mean sure whatever you like.” Lavi agreed with him, with a casual shrug. He looked over at the silent Yuu walking beside them and as an idea occurred to him, a grin spread on his face. “Maybe you two should work on your cooperation. Want me to bring you the get-along-shirt?”

Allen sighed into his hand as next to him, Yuu bristled and prepared himself for a fight.

(I love you.)

 

 

“…don’t you tell him, Allen?”

“Lenalee, it’s not like I don’t want to. I simply can’t!”

“Why not? Maybe he doesn’t exactly see you in that way yet, but… if he doesn’t know how you feel, then-“

“Lenalee, please. I think I’d rather not know.”

The man currently named Lavi stayed rooted to the spot, too numb to do anything more than stare blankly into space even as the conversation he was overhearing descended into hushed whispers and silence.

They couldn’t possibly be talking about…?

(I love you.)

It’s not like he had never stopped observing the little important man, but Lavi started paying even closer attention to Allen. What had Lenalee talked about with him? It sounded so much like girls talking over a crush. But could it be? Could Allen Walker have a crush? And on a man no less?

 Who did he love?

He wanted to know.

Lavi had never stopped observing the Destroyer of Time, but now he kept a closer eye on how he interacted with his fellow friends. With the exasperating fact that he acted no different than usual. Not with Crow-chan, Yuu, the finders, nor any other exorcist. It’s not like it was any of his business but…it was frustrating.

 

“Maybe it’s no one.” The eye-patched man muttered to himself, mouth half-muffled by his closed hand on which he was propped. His single eye watched as Allen crossed the library, furrowed brow indicating he was not finding what he wanted.

The trainee still held his open textbook in front of his face as he kept track of his entertainment. At one point, Allen stopped searching and just collapsed down on a chair with a sigh of defeat, letting his head lol backwards over the backrest. Lavi smiled contritely at having left the other boy wander about for so long before he picked himself up from his seat.

“Need a hand?” Allen jumped on the spot–possibly straining his neck, when an upside-down Lavi appeared in his line of sight the moment he opened his eyes. The younger exorcist raised his head from his neck-straining hanging he was in and turned around in the chair to properly look at the redhead.

“Lavi? What are you doing here?”

“Why, I’m a Bookman, and this place is full of books so wouldn’t you expect me here?” The eye patched man answered good-naturedly, hands on his hips. “I was studying.”

“That makes sense, you sure have it hard, Lavi.”

“But anyways, what are you looking for? Maybe I can help?”

“No, I wouldn’t want to disturb your studying.” Allen immediately replied, shaking his head softly. He was once again startled by Lavi’s tear-stained expression as his face was pushed his way, too close for comfort.

“Please, anything to get away from those tedious things.”

“Uh…” Allen managed to eloquently articulate.

 

“Here, ‘A study in Scarlet’. Felt like some detective novel, huh?” Lavi said, handing the happy beansprout the book.

“Thank you very much! I almost thought they didn’t have it.”

“Why the sudden interest?”

“Ah, it’s just that this is a book that was lent to me while on one of my jobs.”

Lavi tilted his head. He always forgot how exploited Allen had been as a kid. But he already knew this and it would probably be better if Lavi did not ask him about the job, but rather, “Did you like it?”

The young man brightened even more if that was possible. “Yes! It was really interesting!”

Lavi found it endearing, how the Destroyer of Time was capable of looking so darned innocent and child-like. Which is the reason he decided to forgo his work in favor of asking. “I’ve never read it. How about you read it and tell me what’s it about afterwards?”

“Yes!” Allen beamed at him. Lavi huffed, amused.

 (I love you.)

 

 

Miranda was flustered even before Lavi finished formulating his question as was to be expected, but thankfully the woman managed to pull herself together to answer, all flustered. “I well, I have never had any suitors since… but anyways! Now I am an exorcist so I don’t think I have much time for romance.” She smiled in a rather cute fashion, looking to the ground briefly even as she recalled her dark memories.

“I see.”

“What’s with the sudden question, Lavi? Could it be that you…?” Miranda asked a playful smile now dancing on her lips.

“What? Of course not!” Lavi laughed, a bit uncomfortable. He was trying to subtly gain intel on a certain beansprout but if Bookman caught wind of this and even considered Lavi developing feelings might prove to be catastrophic. “Nah, I was simply wondering… I don’t think many exorcists actually pursuit romantic relationships, kinda felt like getting a feeling as to why. What with me being the future Bookman.”

“Oh, and what are the results so far?” The young woman inquired looking honestly curious. She cupped her hands together in front of her chest, and stepping closer to Lavi.

“Eh, well I have just begun.” Lavi said, an apology on his lips, as he drew back with a hand behind his head. “Though, and don’t quote me on this just yet, I think yours will be the most frequent answer.”

Miranda’s gaze turned away from Lavi to seek her fellow colleagues over the raised platform of the Order’s hallways. She looked a little sad. “I am an old woman already so it’s fine, but… I hope the younglings give it a try at least. Sometimes I feel they just live to be an exorcist.”

“Miranda, you’re not so old yourself.” Lavi commented, silently agreeing with her.

Yes, most exorcists were so deep in their jobs that they barely saved some time for themselves.

Lenalee came to mind.

Yuu especially.

And unsurprisingly, Allen too.

It would be healthy if the kid had a crush on _anyone_ but really, that was such a small possibility.

(I love you.)

 

 

“What’cha doing?” The redhead exorcist asked walking inside the common room where he knew his target to be, tongue busy with a lollipop in his mouth. The beansprout raised his head with a beaming smile in place.

“Hello, Lavi.” The scarred boy said, immediately turning his attention away from the little puzzle he was doing. “You aren’t studying today either?”

“What d’ya mean ‘either’? I’m always studying so you know.” He pulled out the candy from his mouth so his words were clearer. “But I’m taking a break today. You don’t have any missions, do you?”

Allen shook his head softly, hands going back to the puzzle with a hesitance that immediately caught Bookman Junior’s attention.

“Allen? Is there something wrong?”

“Ah, no, it’s nothing at all!”

Lavi stared into dark-colored eyes before plopping down beside the nervous male. He stared at him critically, his mind giving him a quick review of the situation at hand. Normally, Allen would be on a mission at this point and if not, he would be training or eating. But he recalled that Komui had made Allen take a break since last mission had left him emotionally and physically exhausted.

But instead of looking comfortable or relaxed or bored, Allen looked jittery and on edge. And his time knowing him nudged him into an answer.

The eye-patched exorcist stared ahead blankly. “Are you sick or something?”

Allen jumped in place, not really expecting him to speak. “E-eh? No?”

“Say, Allen, what would you say to me if the Panda gave me a day off?”

“Eh? Well, you’re taking breaks all the time without his permission-“

Lavi couldn’t help but smile despite himself. “Yes, yes, but let’s pretend he _gave_ me a day off. What would you think?”

“Eh, well that you really deserve it. You’re always working hard so yeah…”

Lavi huffed out a small laugh, because of course Allen would say that, before turning to look at him, expression serious. “If that’s the case, then why do you act as if you don’t deserve a break?”

“Huh?” Allen’s good humor slipped away as realization settled in. He looked flustered, anxious. “Well, that is, I don’t-“

“Allen, you more than anyone else deserves some rest. Some peace. You should know that. Why do you look so guilty for it?”

Allen’s façade dropped a millimeter, as he stared up at the older man. He dropped his gaze almost instantly as he toyed with his hands. “I should not stop. Always moving forward. I bear the responsibility of dealing with Akuma so just sitting there doing nothing is-“

He stopped when Lavi set a hand on his shoulder. He quietened down but did not look up.

“You’re always pushing yourself, did you know that?” Lavi stated, voice soft. “Sometimes, I see you smile and looking so young that I forget how more often than not you’ll push yourself harder than you should. I forget you see the tortured souls of the wretched on a daily basis.” A pause. “I believe you, more than any other exorcist, deserve a break. You’re not responsible for the whole world, Allen. You should hold yourself as priority too.”

Allen finally looked up, a bit doubtful and very much guilty. “I’m not trying to take on the whole world. But… I never seem to do enough.” Here he hesitated, hand going up to his cursed eye. “Nothing I do seems to be enough.”

Says who? Lavi almost wanted to ask, a bit mad at that erroneous assessment. “Well, you alone won’t save the world, alright. That why the Black Order is such a big organization. We don’t fight alone, Allen. That’s one of the benefits of being an exorcist. And while you rest and recharge battery, your other comrades are out, doing their job. Or do you think you do a better job than anyone else?”

“No, of course that’s not-!”  
Lavi smiled again, this time a bit more brightly. “Good because there’s no way a beansprout could be better than me.”

He glossed over the way Allen’s hand spasms as if in pain, as the boy relaxed immediately afterwards, a small smile of relief on his face.

“Thank you, Lavi.”

 (I love you.)

 

 

Lavi couldn’t fall asleep. That wasn’t really anything new, but for some reason, the future Bookman didn’t feel like reading until he fell asleep. Instead, he dressed himself up, grabbed his Innocence and began wandering the darkened halls of the Order. He walked without a direction in mind, only a lamp at hand to ward off the darkness as his feet carried him over to the sites his fellow Exorcists tended to hang out at.

Green eyes roam in search of something– seeking out someone to dispel his nightmares. He valiantly ignored the dark inhuman eyes glaring at him from the shadows and grind his teeth together to block out the screams of pain reverberating in the silent corridors.

How humiliating that…

Lavi looked up when he senses another presence and soon enough another person is stepping out of the shadows, candle held high.

“Eh? Lavi? What are you doing here?”

The man didn’t say anything as he took in every single detail of the – _breathing, living –_ man in front of him– trying to superimpose it over his writhing nightmares.

 “Lavi?” Allen spoke worriedly when he received no reply, “is everything alright?”

Bookman Junior finally composed himself, tucking his pain and fears away like hiding a dirty handkerchief and prepared a relaxed posture with a smile. “What are you talking about?”

Allen still looked doubtful as he stepped closer, their respective bubbles of light merging. “…you’re staring.”

“I’m just engraving Allen’s beansprout figure for posterity!”

Lavi was sure he had not messed up, but still, Allen’s face did not lose its worry. In fact, it seemed to increase further. Idly he wondered how was this possible, if his life was basically one ongoing act and he had been polishing his acting skills since he could remember – but the bigger part of him was busy trying to erase the nightmare of Timcampy’s projection of the Noah torturing Allen to death-

“…vi? Are you sure you’re-?”

Lavi opened his mouth, face dropping a split second without his notice, ready to apologize. But he stopped. He’d rather not let the other know why was he so… uneasy.

Why was he so uneasy in the first place, anyway?

Bookman junior had seen countless deaths, torture, wars. How was he different? Why did this beansprout’s torture make his body go cold?

Was it because Allen would save the world?

 

Embarrassingly enough, when Lavi next came to, Allen was pushing him forward, towards a sofa as he had remained oddly silent.

Somehow, the warm, _alive_ hands on his back calmed him down. “Sorry for being so out of it, Allen. I seem to be more tired than I thought.”

“That’s why you should go to sleep again.”

“Hmm, you’re probably right.” The older exorcist mumbled his agreement even as he did not move from his seat. Instead, he looked down at his hands, “how about you, Allen? Why are you up so late at night?”

“Eh? Well, I lost track of time reading. The book I borrowed from the library is really good. I keep getting surprised and Mr. Holmes is certainly an interesting character. I do wonder how can he deduce so many things. I wouldn’t think that to be possible. Do you remember him, Lavi?”

Evasion.

Lavi’s mind honed on it and his worry racketed up a couple notches. He looked up ready to confront the other, but the sincere interest and curiosity in dark colored eyes made his mind go blank for a couple moments. He realized he had been asked a question. “…Come again?”

Allen frowned, looking worried but thankfully did not comment. He repeated his question.

They had a nice discussion on the plausibility of Sherlock Holmes well into the morning.

When Lavi woke up he realized Allen had absconded at some point after they had fallen asleep side by side.

 (I love you.)

 

 

This time it was Lavi who was at HQ when a tired, slightly thinner Allen returned from his month-long mission. The redhead was about to joke about this appearance when he noted something else in the boy’s smile.

“Hello… Lavi.”

Sunken eyes, shoulders slumped.

Without any other word, Lavi stopped him from advancing and enveloped him in a hug without thinking. Allen felt stiff under his arms, but still rested his head on his chest. Sad for whatever had made the bubble of cheer like this, Lavi held the little man close to him as he waited for him to relax.

“Welcome back, Allen. I’m glad you’re ok.” He said, lips pressing against silver hair. Such a bland phrase, but it managed to make Allen reply.

“…I’m sorry.”

Lavi tightened his grasp on the small man. “It’s okay.”

“I couldn’t…”

“It’s alright.” Lavi repeated, even if they both know it’s a lie.

“I-I-“

“You’re here. You’re safe.”

Lavi can feel Allen’s hands clenching into fists. He can vaguely make out him gritting his teeth. “You’re back.” He mumbled almost fiercely–daring him to contradict him.

“Yes, but…”

“But you’re back.”

They stay like that for a long while. Until Allen can gather himself and reply,

“Yes, I’m back.”

(I love you.)

 

 

When Lenalee finally found Allen she was more than a little surprised at finding the boy sitting shoulder to shoulder with Bookman’s successor as they both poured over a book.

She discreetly stared at them for a moment before deciding she’d look for Allen again later.

(I love you.)

 

 

“Ah, Lavi, it’s good to see you, I got something for you.” Allen exclaimed in one whoosh of breath, hurriedly digging up a plush toy. What a kid. Was his first thought as the redhead finished turning around and acknowledging the small Exorcist currently irrupting into his studies. He looked past the toy, ready to make some witty remark when his eyes were inevitably drawn back to it. It was a plush bunny. It was red, with an eyepatch on his right eye and a little hammer sewn to its hand.

Bookman Junior blinked several times, a bit at a loss.

“Ah- I’m sorry if you think it’s of bad taste. I just thought it looked a bit like you so I- “Allen hurried to say, embarrassment winning over him when Lavi did not answer back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how rude I sounded and-“

“Is that me?” Lavi finally managed to ask, a smile tugging at his lips and an emotion tugging at his heart. “Hahaha, that’s cool, thanks Allen.”

The boy flushed with joy and relief.

(I love you.)

 

He did not think further on it. Not after carefully placing the stuffed toy in a shelf, half-hidden by books, hoping Bookman would not say anything in regards of it. He stared at it each night, just for a second, just to make sure it hadn’t been dumped or something. He did not think in the snow-haired youth with the brilliant smile.

 

So he told himself until the moment he knocked on Allen’s door, and decided to peer inside when he got no reply. And sitting on his bed, innocently dangling a hammer from its hand, was a red rabbit, almost a carbon-copy from the one on his bedroom. So similar that for one second Lavi thought someone had moved the thing and how dare them, but the hammer is on the other hand-

The puzzle pieces started clicking in place.

Could he…?

(I love you.)

 

 

So…

Maybe he was being a little presumptuous, and he had never gotten around to asking Allen about his crush despite that being the whole reason he had started, but…

Didn’t he act a little… different towards him?

Was it his imagination?

Lavi’s thoughts continued to run amok–half of him calling him an idiot, and the other side berating him for even thinking about it. In between study sessions, after missions, his thoughts inevitably strayed back to the Destroyer of Time.

There’s this one time, where he was moving a stack of books from his room back to the library when he caught sight of Allen alongside Lenalee. The little obnoxious thoughts turn their volume up, urging him to get closer–once again they were whispering to each other. Lenalee looked concerned and Allen just looked resigned. The girl’s features soften and she playfully nudges him with her elbow, making the boy turn pink and-

_SMACK_

Lavi walked headlong into a pillar, dropping the pile of books in his hands and making the other two Exorcists jump in place and hurry his way.

“Lavi?” “Are you okay, what happened?”

Lavi spent a moment as Allen and Lenalee fretted over him to curse at himself.

What was going on with him?

 

 

Bookman Junior took some time off the Black Order to sort himself out.

What was going on?

Not that the fact that Allen might…. _Might_ -

Rather….

Why was he so affected by this detail?

Lavi certainly couldn’t…

Could he?

( _I_ love you?)

From then a game began. They created a waltz out of their words, neither of them actually aware of the other’s song. Or at least Lavi began what Allen had been doing for a while now. It would still take a while for the redhead to realize.

“Thanks for helping me out, Allen.”

“No, no, it’s always my pleasure, Lavi.” The little exorcist replied, head tilted down, half-hiding the fond smile that tugged at his lips. The mountain of books he was carrying seemingly not affecting his gait.

“Still, thanks. It’s certainly nice having someone helping me carry these things around. Strong and reliable as always Allen.” A distant part of Lavi bemoaned and sweated over the fact that sometimes his words sounded too much like flirting. But then again, did they really?

Allen certainly seemed unaffected.

(I love you?)

 

“Where are you going today?” Allen asked once he spotted Lavi preparing his coat and checking his weapon. The beansprout walked up to him as the other turned to smile at him.

“Hmm? It’s not a mission, I’m going downtown to buy some food. Care to join?”

Allen shrugged on his coat. “I could use a walk, why not?”

 

They made their way to the town in an amiable silence, interrupted only by a tranquil conversation.

When they get back and unload their items, there’s a moment where Allen looked at him with a half-smile, opening his smile to say something. But the moment Lavi gave him his full attention, his jaw snapped shut and he simply smiled and waved him goodbye.

And a distant part of Lavi can’t help but hope that the words the boy doesn’t say, are the words he so longs to hear.

(I love you.)

 

 

“Lavi.”

“Lavi.”

The redhead smiled to himself. He had never cared much for his names but… Allen made his current one sound so pleasant.

“La-vi!” This time, the melodious voice was accompanied by a small bump over his head. The distracted young man looked up and was mildly surprised at finding Allen in the flesh standing above him with a book held in his hands as if to hit him again. The kid was pouting. How cute.

“Haha, sorry, sorry, I was dozing off. What is it Allen?”

“Komui wants to speak to you. He’s in his office.”

“Aah, what would he want right now?” Bookman junior muttered to himself, hoping it wouldn’t be a mission or something like that. It was late and he was tired.

“Doesn’t seem anything urgent.” Allen supplied quietly, as if reading his thoughts, making Lavi immediately slow down and move more leisurely. The boy rolled his eyes. “Don’t take too long getting there.”

“Yeess….” Lavi drawled on as he smothered a yawn and finally got up. Allen was still standing beside him as if making sure the redhead would indeed go to Komui. Lavi let a heavy hand fall on a mess of locks, ruffling them haphazardly. “I’ll be going then. Thanks again, Allen.”

“It’s no problem. See you around, Lavi.”

Ah…

How nice indeed.

(I love you.)

 

 

“Dance with me?”

Lavi murmured in the dark, hand extended in a semi-bow towards the confused boy as soothing waltz music flowed in the room.

Lavi had had another nightmare about his little destroyer of time and to his disgruntlement and relief he had bumped into the kid himself while he wandered the darkened hallways of the building.

He had been curious as to the vague whisper of music and he had followed the sound towards a supposedly empty room; peeking in, he had scared Allen who hurried to turn it down.

Lavi had proceeded to re-engrave Allen’s figure in his mind in one blink before focusing on his façade. He cheerfully turned the music back up, tried to hit up a conversation with Allen with little success (he was too busy panicking and trying to explain himself) and then finally noticed the music itself.

“Do you even know how to?” Allen finally asked in a quiet whisper, looking small in the clouded night, in the darkened room.

“Of course! Don’t underestimate a Bookman’s abilities!” Lavi said with enthusiasm, mindful of not raising his voice too much as to not wake anyone up. Allen smiled briefly before he looked away, ready to decline either way.

“I don’t know how-“

“Come on, I’ll guide you.” Lavi interrupted in a soft voice that had Allen blushing. He didn’t notice as he stepped closer and gently took Allen’s hand. “Music’s on, might as well try, don’t you think?”

Allen felt his resolve crumbling as he was swept off his feet again by the redhead. A hand on his back and another clasping his own as Allen’s other hand was redirected towards Lavi’s waist.

Lavi started balancing them to the music’s tune and softly started guiding Allen towards some soothing dance.

Soft steps, chuckles escaping with every twirl. Breath catching when they lost their balance, when their hold weakened (when Allen twitched in pain, _again)_.

The music went on, and so did they.

Alone, in the night, with only the light of the hallways that passed through the half-open door.

Alone, from the pressures of the world if for an instant.

 

At some point, the moon peeked out from behind the clouds and found Allen sleepily moving back and forth, head against Lavi, who was humming to the music. It was tranquil, it was soothing.

It was the first and the last time they would ever dance together.

Allen mouthed the words against Lavi’s shirt, making sure no sound would exit his lips.

(I love you.)

 

 

Lenalee instantly frowned at him the moment he asked her.

“Why?”

“Research purposes. I’m asking around so I can form a better picture of-“

“Of what, exactly?” She interrupted him rather harshly; she folded her arms in front of her. “These sort of questions don’t really belong in a Bookman’s journal.”

“Don’t you think you are being a little too harsh?” Lavi asked back, feeling a little incredulous of how aggressive she was acting. “And anyways, what would you know about what we Bookmen record?”

“I don’t care what you record! I just don’t think this is proper to ask… for such a cold reason as that.” Lenalee finally conceded, looking so downcast for a moment, Lavi realized too late that it really is something she treasures, these feelings. Probably everyone did, simply some more than others. Lavi wouldn’t know.

He looked down, choosing to back down and not knowing how to fix his mistakes. “Sorry, Lenalee. I guess you’re right, I’m sorry.” He said in a soft voice, surprising her. “I guess I didn’t notice I was being tactless. I just thought… love is a very strong force. I wanted to know if it’s what drove Exorcists on. And if they felt capable of having such a banal thing as a crush.”

…Aaand he screwed up again, judging by the darkening cast on her face.

“Well, mister Bookman, I don’t have a crush, but I love my brother very much. I love my friends very much, the question that begs to be answered is, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you love anyone? Do _you_ have a ‘banal thing’ like a crush? Have you ever?”

His mind went blank for some reason.

He did not answer, for he was not allowed to love.

(For some reason, this time it hurt.)

(I love you.)

 

 

Lavi held the bunny in his hands facing him. He toyed with it, lifting the hammer-hand, then the other. He did it for a couple seconds more before he drooped. “What am I doing, Lavi-bunny?”

With Lenalee, with Allen.

“I’m such a mess,” he continued to bemoan, hiding his face in his arms, folding into a ball over his bed. “This is his fault, surely. For being so… _ugh._ ” Lavi decided it would be smarter to shut up then, his cheeks heating up at _simply thinking_ about Allen. “He probably doesn’t even _like_ me, I’m such a loser.”

At that moment, the door of his room swung open, the locks meaning nothing as always and Lavi had approximately two seconds to toss the bunny behind his bed, out of sight before he directed a winning smile at Bookman.

“Lavi…” The Panda looked at him a little suspiciously, but thankfully decided not to question him. “I believe you have fallen behind in your studies, again. I want you to tell me a concise summary of Britain’s war against the French.”

“What? We already covered that last year.”

“I sure hope you haven’t forgotten in such a brief period of time.”

Lavi scowled at him. “What’s this about?”

“Hmm, mere precaution. And also, a warning.” The Panda said in a tranquil tone. Lavi immediately tensed up, a warning about what?

Bookman looked him directly in the eye. “Who won?”

“The British.”

“How?”

“A spy poisoned the water supply of half the French army. Victory was easy afterwards.”

“Who was the spy?”

“Amanda.”

“Who was she?”

“The daughter of a general, executed on French grounds, breaking the prisoner’s rights. She sought out revenge, not for the cause but for herself.”

“Was she your friend?”

“What? Of course not.”

“What name did you bear then?”

“Edward.”

“Was Edward friends with her?”

“You mean on the outside? Probably.”

“What did Edward do when she was captured?”

“I stayed in the sidelines of course.”

“And when she was ordered to be executed, what did you do? Did you go out and try to save her?”

“Well, no. As a Bookman, er, in training, such things are not allowed since I can’t intervene with history.”

“And such we watched her die. What did you feel then?”

Lavi scowled harder. “You are getting on my nerves, Bookman. Obviously I can’t feel anything.”

“No, Lavi.” Bookman sighed perhaps a bit sadly. “It’s not that you _can’t_. It’s more that you are not allowed.”

“Same difference, Panda.”

“The ways of the Bookmen are cruel, but they cannot be changed, Lavi.”

“Your point being?”

“They are there to protect you, child. As valuable as history is, the Bookman’s laws are also in benefit of their own.”

Lavi didn’t say anything, he just stared at him defiantly.

“We cannot help but feel in our first decades. But we can avoid taking action on it.” Bookman’s eyes sharpened, “And do not forget, the Bookmen do not tolerate law-breakers, or deserters. Just so you can keep it in mind.”

Lavi looked at him haughtily. “Funny for you to say this, the way you act with me… One could confuse it with you caring for me.”

“But at least I can say I am protecting my assets. What is your excuse?”

 

After Bookman left, the redhead sat on his bed, elbows on his knees as he ran frustrated hands through his hair.

(I ---- you.)

 

 

Lavi knows he made a scene, he let emotion through in presence of Komui, but he was not in the mood for anything not directly related to him going away from the Order and everyone else for a while. He had slammed his hands on Komui’s desk before demanding he give him a solo mission; he didn’t care if it was close or near or whatever. He just wanted out. Komui had stared at him, impassively and maybe a little concerned before giving him the go ahead and shuffling some papers to dig up an investigation of sorts. Lavi didn’t even read it as he took it, thanked the other curtly and left the Order. He was lucky he did not bump into a certain shorty.

 

Bookman Junior had to go to the market as soon as he arrived because he’s a real idiot and literally walked out of the Order after basically assaulting Komui –meaning, he had no food or water reserve, change of clothes or anything other than his Innocence and what he’s wearing.

Though like this, he can use it as an excuse to pick up details about the rumors going around town.

(I ---- you.)

 

 

Finding that the rumors were true and that there was a piece of Innocence just lying innocently in this town would have made Lavi feel marginally better.

So of course, it did not happen.

He kept digging of course, he needed to find _all_ of the needles of his haystack, he snuck out of his room in the deep of the night, following after shadows, looking for ghosts or unnatural elements.

Nothing.

He found a couple akumas –which he destroyed.

He stumbled into a, er, passionate couple. More like threesome –which he immediately ran away from.

He followed a dead end to a group of pranksters no older than ten probably–which he sent on their merry way home, after lecturing their ears off.

But that was about it.

At least there had been zero signs of the thrice damned Noah. They-

No, Lavi refused to think about it.

He finished his business, drafted a report to gain some time and finally, more relaxed he allowed himself to think.

(I ----you.)

 

 

Bookman was probably right, to be perfectly honest.

Bookmen didn’t…

Before that, was it real? Was Lavi actually falling in love with Kanda’s beansprout?

Yes, he felt Allen was special. But, he was the destroyer of time, of course he’s special. And he was so mild-mannered, and polite yet such a pig at meals. His simple personality is soothing and remarkable, in a world full of malice, deceit and selfishness.

Though Allen had his dark side… playing poker. Or any card game or simply gambling. He was such a clever cheat. And a vicious gambler. And a pedantic winner at times.

But this was probably all because of a certain Cross Marian. And his debts. Especially his debts.

But back to the point…

Yes, Lavi knew he was important, he found him interesting and endearing and fun and a lot more things.

His happy reminiscing was broken by an image of Allen sitting alone in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, unable to do anything. In excruciating pain maybe. A past wound? Not likely, why why why…

“ _I have to keep moving forward.”_

_“I can’t stop.”_

_“I don’t deserve to rest.”_

_“There’s so much…”_

So much what? Akumas? Misery?

He had a little self-sacrificing guy on his hands. He who could see the souls of the wretched, he who could hear their desperate pleas for help.

This urge to find out…

Was it a product of his affection for the light-haired boy or simply his inherent need to know the machinations of the protagonists’ minds to record history perfectly as Bookman’s successor?

Lavi sighed.

Why?

Why did he ever had to fall ------ the boy? There was no denying. There was no changing that no matter what he did, what he thought, his thoughts kept revolving around a single person.

There were no other words for these feelings. This was ----.

He somehow wished he had never figured out these feelings. But he knew he wouldn’t have let it be until he did.

If Bookman ever realized this…

Well, the cat was out of the bag for Lavi. He knew he ------ Allen. But he didn’t need to _act_ on it, as Bookman said. No one needed to know. Especially not Allen.

No one would know.

And maybe, perhaps, with time these feelings would fade and everything would return back to normal.

(- ---- ---.)

 

 

He finished his report to have something to do and continued hanging around town in the off chance of there being rumors from a nearby town he could go investigate. But there was no such luck.

 

When Lavi finally got around to return to the Order he was just re-composing his features into his cool face when he was immediately accosted by someone.

“Lavi!” The boy exclaims, cheeks flushed from his mad dash from who know where. “You’re back! Welcome home!”

Lavi gave up, then and there.

“Yeah, I’m back.”

(I love you.)

 

 

Bookman did not bring it up. And of course, neither did Lavi. But he could feel the silent judgement, the small bit of an awkward tension when it was just them and most notably, when Allen was in the vicinities.

Lavi had already decided that regardless of what he felt about Allen, he would not act on it but maybe he should also limit his contact with the other exorcist as to not create any sort of misinterpretation and to reassure Bookman.

Lavi tried to be subtle about it, knowing that he had Bookman’s eye on him but still not being able to stay away from his little beansprout completely. Worse thing was that Allen was beginning to notice he was being avoided.

Lavi’s strained smile started twitching as Allen looked increasingly dejected as Lavi turned him down once more on eating, apologizing that he had already eaten and such. It was his fault. He had been so happy, he had been elated to eat with the other and obviously Allen had been just as happy.

He might have no say on the matter, but he somehow wished Allen didn’t act like… like this. It gave him the wrong impression. Because surely… it just couldn’t be….

And to be honest he had been avoiding him on purpose, eating so much earlier so he wouldn’t bump into the little eating monster. Which meant waking up even earlier and going to sleep accordingly. Thus, he minimized his actual interaction time with basically anyone.

But this one time Lavi had gotten hung up transcribing a certain passage as an assignment and had gone down to eat at a much later hour than usual.

Lavi was languidly poking at his food when he felt eyes on him. He looked up and immediately caught Allen’s glance beside his monstrously high pile of food. The kid gave a little start and half turned away, ready to depart. The redhead doesn’t have the courage or the will to let him go.

“Hey, Allen. Wanna eat with me? There’s an empty spot here.”

For a moment, Lavi can swear he sees Allen take a fortifying breath, mouth twisting into something self-mocking before he places down the Babel Tower recreation in food in front of Lavi with a beaming smile.

Allen opens his mouth, hesitates, closes it and simply digs into his food. The redhead leaned back into his seat, sighing tiredly. He caught himself and leaned forward again, placing his elbows on the table, intertwined hands covering his mouth. He casually looked away. “I’m sorry, “ he mumbled. The chewing stops for a second. A nervous gulp. A little sip of water. A little hesitance. “I wasn’t trying to avoid you or anything.” He lied smoothly and he can feel Allen stiffening. Judging by his recent behavior it was most likely because Allen thought he had been subtle enough about his reaction.

Lavi finally caught sight of his mentor, eating in a corner, his back to him. This is his chance. He dropped his hands to the table as he pushed himself even closer to Allen. “Forgive me?” He whispered, trying to input as much sincerity to his voice as possible. Allen’s eyes widened almost comically, and Lavi wanted to add something else, but at the corner of his eye he sensed movements so he re-schools his features, lets his body flow with the momentum, extending a hand to snatch a chicken leg from the food pile and falling back down on his seat. “Thank you for the food!”

Bookman is rolling his eyes at his childish act, no one is paying them any attention and Lavi tries his best to swallow the food with a dry throat. Allen is looking at him endearingly.

“Yes, of course.”

 (I love you.)

 

 

A mixture of bad luck, bad timing, bunch of annoying Akuma, lack of bandages and of a proper adult resulted in Allen calmly sitting on the floor while being drenched in his own blood, wide eyes staring as a frantic Lavi went over their supplies again in hopes of finding a bandage. He cursed again, concluding they had run out of them. He raised his hands to mess up with his hair, hands feeling cloth under his fingers. He paused.

“Umm, hang on, Allen, I think I know…” Lavi said in a flurry, taking the bandanna off his hair and hoping it wasn’t too dirty, he showed it to Allen. “Let me put this on you, I need to adjust the length.”

Lavi went behind the other exorcist, waiting for Allen to push his hair out of the way before he carefully placed the bandana around his head. Their hands accidentally touched twice and twice did Lavi’s stomach did a somersault –even if neither of them dropped their acting even for a second. In the end, it was too big for the boy so Lavi did some quick improvised handiwork so it would stay and hopefully staunch the blood flow. Just in case, the redhead pulled it tight with a hand, while pushing Allen’s head forward softly to keep the bandanna taut for at least five minutes or so, until only a little trickle of blood seeped through the makeshift bandage.

The bloody ordeal over, Lavi looked at the beansprout sporting his own bandanna, looking a little big on him, covering the span of his forehead and almost falling into his eyes. A trickle of blood ran down his face, forking at his nose but Allen seemed unaffected by pain, just a little disgruntled at the slipping bandanna.

“Fuck.” Lavi muttered, quickly hiding his flaming face. This was unfair! He was too cute! Too cute! This was…

This was a _strike._

 (I love you.)

 

“Hey, Allen!” Lavi said upon catching sight of his target. The boy happily munching at a muffin while going over a book looked up and smiled the instant he noticed Lavi. “What are you reading?”

“Oh, just another Sherlock story. I think I might really like these.” Allen confessed, a little embarrassed for some reason. “What are you doing here though? Were you looking for something?”

“Oh- I… sort of.” Lavi felt as smooth as sandpaper. He probably was doing even worse. He cleared his throat and started over. “What I meant to say, is that I’m carrying out a poll of sorts. It’s not really something important, it’s just that…” he trailed off, unable to finish his cookie-cutter lie as he caught glimpse of Lenalee waltzing away from the library, a book to her chest and a smile on her face.

He remembered her words.

“Lavi?” Wide, innocent eyes stared at him. It made him feel like scum.

“Ah-I-I seem to, uh, have forgotten. Panda’s going to get me. See you around!” Lavi called out in a quick succession, already dashing out of the library, unable to follow through with his lie or plan.

What did he expect out of it anyway?

That the little man who cried alone in the dark of night would tell him that he was very much happily in love?

Even if it somehow was true…

What was it to Lavi?

What could the future Bookman possibly hope for in that?

Why was he such a…

(I love you.)

 

 

And finally, the day arrives that Lavi just can’t help it. He can’t stand not knowing for sure. Can’t stand this whole emotional issue.

 

“It’s nice being around you, Lavi.” Allen said with his innocent smile, as he helped the Bookman Jr with carrying another pile of books. Lavi always thought that smile was so pure and so taunting he was unsure how it made him feel.

As his feelings kept bubbling up, trying to get past his wards, his locks, the young man couldn’t help but say, in as much of a casual voice as he could muster, “I’ve noticed you seem to like me a lot more than the others.”

Allen blushed slightly even as he arches a pale eyebrow. “A bit self-assured aren’t you?”

But Bookman junior’s words wiped the smile right off his face.

“Well, it’s true isn’t it? You certainly seem to find my presence much more enjoyable. Not to mention the amount of excuses you make to spend time with me. Why is that, Allen?”

Finally, they both are hearing the same music. Finally, Allen notices Lavi had been eavesdropping in on his own tunes.

He is horrified.

 “I’m… I’m not following.” Allen said nervously with a feeble smile that Lavi felt bad for tearing away with his next words.

“I just think you might feel something… stronger towards me.” Lavi heavily implied, as far as his survival instincts allowed him.

“I think you got it all wrong, of course I like you, but I wouldn’t say that _more_ than my other friends.”

“Did you also give them a rabbit identical to them?”

Allen frowned, tucking his hands into his pockets. Lavi did not miss the way they were trembling and he felt a little like scum. “Lavi, I don’t get what you’re trying to do. I just found that and _because_ it resembled you I decided to purchase it. I highly doubt they’d be more of any one of us. I’d give them one if I found it.”

“And you’d also keep its pair with you?”

Allen’s eyes go wide. “Wha- how do you…?”

Lavi immediately swallowed and felt compelled to explain to the pale, pale exorcist. “I was looking for you, I thought you were in your room.”

“You entered? _You could have just knocked!”_

 _“_ H-hey, I did knock, I just… I thought you would be asleep or something. I didn’t even enter. I just opened the door a crack to see if you were there, it wasn’t my intention.”

“Who told you that was alright?” He continued in increasing hysterics. Lavi extended his hands, clutching his upper arms in a firm but soft grasp.

“Calm down, Allen. I’m sorry about that. But I swear it was just that one time. I didn’t tell anyone I promise. So calm down, it’s alright- everything’s alright. I’m not mad or anything if you were wondering. I was just… I wanted to know. I _want_ to know, actually, if it’s all right with you. I think I’d… be happy.”

 He was wholly unprepared by the sudden horror on Allen’s face.

“I’m so sorry, Lavi.” Before Bookman could get in a word, Allen was retreating, walking backwards at a fast pace before he turned tail and ran away.

What…

Just happened?

(I love you.)

 

 

He can’t find him. For the love of god, this was ridiculous but he couldn’t find the little exorcist _anywhere_. He had been as discreet as possible, but he knew he had garnered a lot of people’s attention. After just a little while, Lavi decides to drop it. If Allen’s avoiding him, there was not much he could do without looking suspicious.

And knowing him, he probably wasn’t even in the Order as of now.

Lavi scowled at the darkened hallways that were now suddenly empty, void, meaningless without the destroyer of time around.

He would find him. He would not desist.

Allen could be bullheaded and tenacious, but Lavi could rival him alright.

 

He avoids taking on missions as he needed to be present for when Allen returned from whichever mission he had been sent in.

And of course, the minute he catches sight of pure fluffy hair, he’s hauled in for an emergency mission where a piece of Innocence had been protected but the Finders were losing the battle to some Akumas.

He can’t quite hide the grimace on his face as they brush past each other, Lavi and Kanda on a hurry and Allen looks relieved at having avoided him.

Oh, he would see.

 

 

Golems are quite the handy tools. More so because he could communicate with (bug) another person without actually knowing where they were or being in the same room even.

“You don’t have a mission and I just came back. We need to talk.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The voice coming from his golem is slightly static-y, but the reluctant drawl of his whispers doesn’t go unheard. It almost made it seem like a low blow– which might be the case, but he wasn’t leaving him any other option.

“Oh really?” Lavi says, his voice carrying a dark undertone. In the most casual tone he could play off, he added, “So you don’t mind if I shout what I need to tell you from here?”

There is a bit of a stunned silence before the hurried, “W-what do you have to say?”

“Dunno. You’d have to be there.”

“That’s dirty.”

“You’re not leaving me any other choice,” Lavi accused him, glaring at his golem.

On the other side of the Order, locked in his room, Allen opened his mouth, his neck tenses as no words would come out. In that silence, he can hear Lavi sigh.

“I’m sorry for cornering you like this, Allen. I just… I really want to speak to you. And I think we have some things to clear and I would really hate it we stopped talking because of this…”

Silence.

“Where are you?” Lavi tries again, his voice low and personal and _desperate._ This last is what makes Allen finally be able to push some words out of the knot in his throat.

“In the left wing!” Allen shouted, because if he didn’t, he would just remain silent for the rest of his life. His heart hammered in his chest.

“Damn, you’re far.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry. I should be the one to go after you, but… I’m not in top-shape. Do you think you could come down to the main entrance?”

“…What?”

 

Lavi hadn’t been able to say much. After discovering his bloody battered body, Allen had immediately called in the force of nature known as the Head Nurse and had been ruthlessly dragged away to the infirmary.

Lavi fought against her, worried that if he let this chance slip out, Allen would rush out in another long mission or something so he was understandably surprised when Allen mumbled, only to his ears.

“I’ll wait for you.”

Lavi was so relieved he relaxed his muscles and fainted amidst a spurting of blood from several injuries.

(I love you.)

 

 

And Allen waits.

And he waits, as Lavi regains his consciousness and struggles to say the words.

When they don’t come out, Allen looks as sad as Lavi, but again promises he’ll wait.

He’s so caring, so nice that for some reason, that just makes it even harder for Lavi to ask.

Because this attention he has been receiving is nothing like anything before.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lavi mumbled, not quite looking at him. He was still on the infirmary bed, bandaged and a little bloody and Allen was still sitting by his bed.

Allen was confused. “What for?”

Lavi hesitated. “I know you said you would wait for me but… I don’t think… Maybe it’s better if you don’t. If I don’t ask you.”

When all he received was silence, he looked his way again and worried over the inscrutable gaze of the Destroyer of Time. For a long moment, he didn’t even breathe. Then Allen slowly nodded to himself, his shoulders lowering as if releasing the tension. Which made no sense as his hands balled into white-knuckled fists. “I see. Okay. Yeah, I think so too.” He mumbled blankly. He smiled at Lavi, so void of emotion that it made Lavi angry. “Well then, good-“

He sat up, ignoring his multiple injuries as he twisted to glare at him. “Why are you like this!?”

“What?”

And without planning, and apparently deciding to ignore everything he just said, the words slipped his mouth. “Why have you been avoiding me?”

“What are you…” Allen started to say but he knows Lavi knows. He looked away sharply. “That’s foul play.”

He got up, ready to storm off, but he stopped at hearing Lavi’s voice.

“Is it? I just want to know what did I do wrong, Allen. Did I hurt you? Did I mess up or something?” Lavi pleaded to Allen’s back.

“Why does it have to be like that? You didn’t do anything. I just…” Allen shook his head, trying to come up with something to say. “My life doesn’t revolve around you. If there are days we don’t talk that isn’t exactly bad. It’s _normal._ I’m not avoiding you, Lavi.”

Allen bit his lip as the silence between them grew thick after his words.

“You really are a bad liar.” Lavi whispered, voice muffled as if being engulfed by the silence instead of breaking it. “But you’re damn good at hurting me.”

Allen then spun around to face him, face half-way between desolate and irate. “Oh, so I’m the one hurting you now-?”

Lavi stared back at him, tired. “Yes, like that.” He said, apparently not having heard Allen’s words. “Look me in the eye while you lie, it’s more credible like that. I’m sure you can be a master at it.”

This takes Allen aback. “What are you-?”

Lavi shrugged. “Dunno. I guess. If this is how things are going to go, might as well help you polish up your act.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

Lavi looked him square in the eye.  “You know I know; so why don’t you say it.”

(I love you.)

“What are you-?”

(I love you.)

“Allen, the item to play dumb is over. No more unsaid conversations. I won’t dance around the words either.”

(I _love_ you.)

The words left unsaid beat like a third heart, loud and unbearable.

Allen froze at those words, mouth agape. “I can’t.”

Lavi’s smile drops off his face. That hadn’t been quite what he expected.

“What do you mean, Allen?” Then his face darkened. “Did someone say anything to you?  Did they threaten you?”

“No.”

“Then? Why won’t you say it?”

(Do you love me?)

Lavi missed his phrasing. Missed how he longed for those words to escape both their lips. He said ‘why won’t’. Instead of ‘why can’t’.

“Why won’t you say it?”

(Do you love me?)

“I can’t do that to you. I’m sorry but I just can’t.”

(I love you so much.)

“What? Do what? Allen?”

Allen seemed to want to fold in on himself, but he just clutched his upper arms, head bowed. “If I don’t say anything… you’ll never bring yourself to say it. If I don’t say anything, you can’t blame this solely on me. If I don’t say anything…”

“What are you-“

“Lavi, be honest with me. If I told you. What would you answer?”

(I love you.)

“I would correspond, Allen!” Lavi exclaimed without thinking, frustrated beyond measure. He finally caught on as Allen’s eyes started looking misty after those words.

(I love you.)

“You’re Bookman’s successor.” Allen whispered, almost desperately. “You’re walking a path where this would be considered a mistake. Where my feelings…for you are both an error and a nuisance.” Allen shook his head as if able to see how Lavi seemed about to protest, cutting him off.

“I’m not going to make you choose. I’m not that cruel.”

(I love you.)

Confused and saddened, the Bookman can’t find the words. “Allen…”

For some reason, the boy turned around as if unable to help himself. He smiled sadly at him. Sad, resigned.

(I love you.)

“Lavi, if you want me to… I’ll stay by your side. Actually. Please let me do so.”

Something seemed to have dawned on the younger male as tears finally escape his eyes. “Lavi, I-“

(I love you.)

His face contorts as if he had to physically hold down the words. Lavi is frozen in place.

Slowly, he closed the gap between them, bringing the little exorcist, the Destroyer of Time closer to him, burying his face in his shoulder almost furiously. Allen gripped him tight, trying to breathe through the suffocating feelings. Lavi gripped him in kind, face scrunched up and a bitter taste on his lips, his chest.

The words cannot come loose, the weight of duty and destiny far too heavy.

(I love you too.)

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Is Lavi/Allen a rarepair? What do you think about them?
> 
> Don't forget to drop a comment!


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